Alexander the Great, Alexander the Mediocre and Alexander the Worst walk into a bar.
On this viewing, we’ve concluded that we love The Apple, that it’s awesome and amazing, and that it’s very, very bad.
Analog dumbometers measured -131 and +160. Digital dumbometers amounted to a new record of 75. The units are arbitrary but the pleasure is additive, therefore our final score for The Apple is 366. For a year’s worth of daily stupidity.
366, but is it apples, is it pears, what is it?! 366 AU. Named after the famed Swedish Professor Arbitrary Unit.
Winner of the prestigious prize Apple Mayonnaise, which is given exclusively to movies that know how to be… a masterpiece. Runner-up AND winner of the Platinum Triangular Record trophy, awarded to movies which perplex Shmentina, by Capellyana, for their contribution to Physics in general and Graphene R&D in particular. R&D, of course, standing for Ridiculousness & Derrangement, or, as it is more widely known in the west, Radicality & Desperation.
In summary, and still, the scene where he gropes the woman who isn’t his mother, is very disturbing.