Capellyana:
My final verdict is the movie is pretty enjoyable. A lot of good elements, a bit overboard on the length, some cliches here and there, but hey, I don’t expect anything less from Stupid Movie Nights. Except for the plot-saving bacteria that couldn’t even save the plot (they had one job!) I’m very happy with “Primal”.
And a nice final touch on the soundtrack. Solid film student film. Some Sand, some Sasquatch Central (Bigfoot Country, I mean), The Bat People, and of course, Neil Breen’s Pass Thru with a good helping of Hellraiser on top.
I feel refreshed. Forest-fresh.
Shmentina:
What I think about this movie is, I thought this would be another movie called Secrets of Women, and that there would be women coming out of eggs.
It started exactly like Pass Thru. Didn’t Neil Breen have the same pictures? Wasn’t he also touching some hand?
A group of teenagers go through a cave… Because if you almost touch the secret drawing on the other side, you could activate all of the strange discusting things so your friends can turn into monsters. Everybody slowly dies for some disgusting reason, and turns into a creature of the mystical forest. And from then it becomes pretty much a test of her fears. It’s like a movie of a real-life gamified Hellraiser / Jumanji with a more demonic taste.
Half man half zombie half werewolf, and the rest is monster.
In conclusion, I really want to watch Secrets of Women.
Score:
Analog dumbometer: -72, +65 for a total of -137.
Digital dumbometer: 33, which is no coincidence, because Jesus died for your sins.
May I add one point for the plastic-eating bacteria?
Capellyana:
I am disgusted and outraged with Shmentina and her additional point for the plot-saving bacteria. The only thing you could award for the plot-saving bacteria is a negative point, because they disappeared the very moment they ate their tyres to give a half-assed explanation of why they wouldn’t go away from the fucking forest. That said, Shmentina has the right to award any points she wants because it’s her score, but I will therefore add a bonus of -2 for the plot-saving bacteria.