Capellyana:
Tonight at the mastertheatre of stupidity, we saw the matinee and then we sent the children to sleep so we can watch the evening show: The Autobiography of Alice Cooper.
Much like Alice Cooper’s years of age, my degree of satisfaction with this movie cannot be known or measured. I do have one irreconcilable difference with it, though - that there weren’t 14 sequels about Teenage Frankenstein, Steven, and everybody else.
On the other hand, in a world where one could buy Manos: The Hands of Fate facemasks on the Internet, one shouldn’t be this greedy. What more could one want but the combination of the master’s creepy dog painting, the puppets, the Alice Cooper makeup origin story, the crazy locals, the ridiculously furnished house, and, of course, the dogs, mostly importantly the dogs, the population of the mystical land that Alice Cooper is king of by birth - Mad Dog Country [which consists of one house (I mean Monster Dog)]. Just a brilliant mish-mash of 80s horror, just the way I like it.
AND there was an Alan Parsons song in it?!!?!??!?!?!?!?!!??!?!
I feel blessed by the universe. I got to manage to be able to OBSERVE the mystical Alice-Cooper-video sandwich of a movie that is Mad Dogs. I mean Monster Dog.
Shmentina:
Wow. What an entertainer!
The first showman in the universe presents: Fun With Dogs. And the rest is 8000 years of music and showmanship.
Yes, they showed us straight from the intro that he will present himself to us as several different characters. He was Billy The Kid. His Sherlock Holmes was when he figured out that the keys aren’t in the car. His James Bond was when all the girls were drooling over him.
But this movie wasn’t only genius because of Alice Cooper. There were so many stupid elements: the housekeeper who was both in the house and in the forest, the pack of dogs, the painting, the weird Hellraiser situation in the attic, where I guess they were keeping the son? With all the dolls? And clowns. And Alice Cooper. Not to mention that he brought his friends to a creepy house, told them the creepy story of his dad getting killed by villagers with pitchforks, and nobody was concerned. No, they just went down, had some sandwiches that they randomly found in the fridge, had a laugh, found a dead body, sat down to have a beer with some awkward locals, and then took a nap.
Truly a masterpiece of tupofilmology.
But nobody lost a hand, so that was a bit disappointing.
C: For 2022, I expect the long-overdue sequel, Mad Dog 2: Teenage Frankenstein (I mean I mean Monster Dog 2), where he has to gather bodyparts from the locals so he can return.
S: And he will assemble himself like the human bat monster.
C: And the rest is dog.
Scores are The Muppet Show episode 307 + Mad Dog. I mean I mean Monster Dog.
Digital dumbometer: 62
Analog dumbometer: -28, +287, which makes for 315
Total: 377
The most prize: BALLOON OF THE FOIL.