Shmentina:
This is the biggest pile of nonsense I have ever seen.
Officially the most delusional movie we've seen, I think, because all the characters were just dilusional the entire time. Nobody called the police or an ambulance. What an incredible plan - we'll get our secret informer to give us a pill. You'll pretend you're dead and everybody will be clueless for long enough to extract a confession off your fiancee.
They are all whores. Unethical whores (the issue is all in the ethics).
AND THEN I PULL OUT MY GUN...
Capellyana:
Technically it's the best Nollywood movie we've seen so far. No volume going up and down, no microphone pops, barely any loss of camera focus, characters are lit up, you can see what's going on. It was really the script that was totally insane.
Look, we'll do this thing where you pretend you're dead. Noone will call an ambulance or the police. I know your friends, they're all morons. Trust me, it will work.
If I have to watch a soap opera I'd watch this kind of soap opera any day.
A special mention for the car with the "POLICE" sticker and the blue LEDs on the backplate.
Capellyana: Let's not forget the sexual revolution that was going on. The true new romantic novel of our times - Sex and Sexability.
Shmentina: Yeah, the woman who keeps talking about everybody's sexual stamina. She was obsessed with finding a guy with erectile dysfunction so she can help him turn his sexual disability into sexability.
Capellyana: So you're saying she's doing the Lord's work?
Shmentina: Look, if you were cheating, wouldn't you like to do it in as efficient a manner as possible? Why invest this much time so you can help somebody with erectile dysfunction?
Pony: It was a professional interest, Shmentina. You don't understand.
Shmentina: Yeah, she worked it hard like it's her profeSSION.
Pony: Maybe it was an ego trip - like, look, he can't get it up, except for me.
Capellyana: There we go. Pony's found the real truth of the matter.
Pony: She was pretending to be altruistic, but deep down, she was just a narcissist.
Capellyana: The depth of the psychological analysis that's going on is just astonishing.
Shmentina: Unbelievable.
Pony: Or maybe it was an alibi - if she ever got caught cheating, she could just say "he couldn't even get it up, so it wasn't really cheating".
Digital dumbometers:
Shmentina:
{"lawful_good":0,"stupid_good":0,"chaotic_good":0,"lawful_stupid":8,"true_stupid":30,"chaotic_stupid":5,"lawful_evil":0,"stupid_evil":5,"chaotic_evil":0,"mystical":0}
Capellyana: I gave it mostly pluses, which may be why my computer decided to ritually commit suicide in the middle of it and waste most of my votes. They're all in the video though.
Analogue dumbometer:
-102 / +60 => -42. We think that's suitable.
Recommended?
Shmentina: Yeah, I would recommend the movie for the soap opera lover. They could gain from it by maybe, for one day, they could feel there is something more stupid than a soap opera.
Capellyana: Yes, highly recommended. A true gem of Nollywood.
Pony: No. It is not often that I feel the desire to jump out of my seat and push the actors away so I can do a better job. If you want this kind of experience, just watch Big Brother.